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I am underprepared.
As I stare at blank space on the waiting room walls,
An analogy for my mind,
An unfamilar quietness.
I expected to be dismissed immediately
And instead I wait here,
Feeling hours slide over my skin
Like stagnant water
Consultation,
Wait,
Ultrasound,
Wait,
Consultation,
Wait,
Biopsy.
I did not prepare for this eventuality.
I wish...
[unspoken]
Everyone else has someone to hold their hand as they wait,
A friend to talk to...
I wonder how many of us are about to recieve very bad news.
I watched on the ultrasound screen,
at a hateful aparition,
There is no pain,
After the sting of an anasthetic needle drives into my flesh,
And only at sharp report of a double gunshot,
And needles spear me and are removed,
Taking a part of me with them on exit.
And now, more waiting...
As I stare at blank space on the waiting room walls,
An analogy for my mind,
An unfamilar quietness.
I expected to be dismissed immediately
And instead I wait here,
Feeling hours slide over my skin
Like stagnant water
Consultation,
Wait,
Ultrasound,
Wait,
Consultation,
Wait,
Biopsy.
I did not prepare for this eventuality.
I wish...
[unspoken]
Everyone else has someone to hold their hand as they wait,
A friend to talk to...
I wonder how many of us are about to recieve very bad news.
I watched on the ultrasound screen,
at a hateful aparition,
There is no pain,
After the sting of an anasthetic needle drives into my flesh,
And only at sharp report of a double gunshot,
And needles spear me and are removed,
Taking a part of me with them on exit.
And now, more waiting...
Traces in Time
I almost forgot I existed here once, and I tried to forget the times I tried to make a space for myself here again. I wish I had left it all as an archive, left to dust and bone and shadow. There is too much of me stretched too thin over too many places, and I can't keep up to the pace of time passing at the speed of time. I drift and the stars change position and it is all I can do to maintain the bare minimum of health to do the things that matter. I'm failing. I'm losing. I feel like more of a medical statistic than a person. How many pieces of me can stop working and still house my soul? I am so tired. And it hurts. I have always been in pain but I wonder sometimes if this body has a limit. Everyone has a limit or a cost. There will be a price to pay, and I'm tired of paying in instalments, each successive organ that succumbs, each joint and system, the interlinking whole now a series of failed connections. I too am a failed connection. I can't keep up with the flow of
The Threads Are Almost In Place
We are who we were always destined to become I can see with eyes unclouded The patterns in the weaving Are Becoming We are the architects of our web Beware the crimson spider Who weaves his tangled web The hourglass On your heart Is running It's time For me to turn it over Time For the sand to sing to your soul And the rocks to your bones I wish On stars And they fall from the sky In your name I will show you magick So undeniable You will find a way To call it science We are just waiting On the alignment Of the planets Just waiting To cross our hears And our scars And untangle Our cards From our stars You were always going to be The death of me My demons Love your demons Too
''Ah Lucivar, I can't heal the scars on your soul-
- not yours, not mine. We have to learn to live with them. We have to learn to live beyond them." Did Witch ever find herself caught in tangled webs of dreams not her own, did ever someone try to trap her into a future not her making? Did she ever feel like running away, descending so deep into the Abyss that only the wolves could sing to her, only the foxkin could find her? Did she ever want to change her shape and become Kindred but not Kind? Did she ever think about creating a whole realm she could escape to where all the voices clamouring for her to rise from the healing webs too soon, could not reach her? Did she ever want to go further and further into the Abyss where the Darkness is kind and most of all quiet? Did she ever have to deal with the first circle being confused, wanting things they cannot want because she is promised already to her Fate, her Destiny? Did anyone ever disbelieve her when she said she would know who she'd know when she met him? Did she ever dream of
Webs and Connections
Last night the temperature rose The snow turned to fog And all my memories are grey The Nothing rolls in and My Everything becomes small small small Charcoal etching my name in the night The burn in my throat Isn't enough to stop The words at my fingertips These perilous words Spill like moonlit water And I have no heart To take them back I keep my boundaries By force of will And when words don't work silence must But the lines in the sand Are never bars As the Crow flies I suppose it's true We all break Our rules For someone "I would break my body to pieces just to taste your name" This wasn't what I was planning to write. It never is. But it is what it is and the web weaves and becomes. I place bright-dark jewel stars on the strands and if, at the end, all I have is the whisper of a name, it's enough to have been worth the sacrifice. Another strand it placed in the web. That's all there is really. These beautiful silver connections between us all. Feathers
© 2014 - 2024 VioletRaven
Comments1
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Well as long as you're waiting around I might as well start the surgery and remove the malignant mess you've grown into. I'm not a doctor but I've got nothing better to do than to cut and squeeze the goodness out of you. Toss your medicine away and take my brand of poison instead. It's full of madness, laughter and wicked good cheer that would make a waiting room seem like the place to be until sane people can figure out how to get rid of us. And remember I'll always guarantee to be the devil on your shoulder my friend whispering sweet sins and terrifying delights.
Waiting for the end of the world doesn't seem so grim when your friends show up to be with you and who also happen to be as crazy as you.
Just a few words of comfort in my own special way.
I'll always hold your hand, That's probably why you took out the restraining order.
Waiting for the end of the world doesn't seem so grim when your friends show up to be with you and who also happen to be as crazy as you.
Just a few words of comfort in my own special way.
I'll always hold your hand, That's probably why you took out the restraining order.